Why Understanding Yourself Can Be More Powerful Than Trying to Change Yourself
Therapy isn't a sport, clients come with goals. Some are life goals, some are therapy goals. An important therapy goal is to understand yourself, because that changes everything.
Jillian Fischer, RP(Q)
9/16/20262 min read
What is so powerful about understanding yourself?
Disclaimer: This resource is for educational purposes only and does not replace therapy.
You've come to therapy because you are suffering. Something in your life is uncomfortable. You have made the decision to try out therapy. Of course you aren't coming to therapy for the fun of it. You are here because you want change. Your therapist will ask about your goals for therapy, they may sound something like this - "I want to be less depressed", "I want to choose better partners", "I want more self-worth".
These types of goals are life goals, things that are organized around fixing or eliminating. Unfortunately therapists cannot directly create self-worth or eliminate depression. What we can do is can help clients understand what past experiences, thoughts, and behaviours impact their current struggles. These are therapy goals! Understanding. Getting curious. Noticing what predictions you make about the world, what your relational patterns are, naming your emotions, tuning into your bodily responses. This type of therapeutic work creates insight into what maintains suffering.
So the life goal of "I want to be less depressed" can shift to therapy goals such as:
I want to increase my awareness to my depression triggers
I want to identify how relationships play into my feelings of depression
I want to recognize how my body signals depression
I want to explore my avoidance strategies
I want to understand the emotions under my depression
I want to develop resilience to remain with difficult feelings instead of supressing
These goals are about increasing awareness to our patterns, our emotions, our predictions, all supporting self-reflection. The gift of awareness and understanding is that it shifts automatic reactions into choice. You have less reactivity, more flexibility, more awareness, and increased tolerance for difficult experiences. And with choice comes change! This in turn can support the growth of self-esteem, secure relationships, confidence, resilience.
Why You May Feel Stuck
You can feel stuck when solely focusing on the absence or presence of something you don't want to experience, such as depression or anxiety. It can feel like you aren't making any progress because you still feel anxious or depressed. When we instead shift our measure to understanding, progress is present! Understanding removes fear, builds tolerance, and a knowing of being able to handle what comes.
Reflection
Instead of trying to get rid of anxiety, can you get curious about it?
What do you notice depression tries to convince you of?
How does your body feel when anger shows up?
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy supports change by slowing down to get curious, increasing awareness, and noticing patterns. Therapy helps your nervous system build capacity for change gradually, without overwhelm. Change becomes less threatening when safety, pacing, and compassion are prioritized.
Note on Support: These resources are intended to offer understanding and reflection. If you find that these topics bring up strong emotions or feel closely connected to your experiences, working with a therapist can provide personalized support in a safe and collaborative way.
